dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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