Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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