At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
