I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
