Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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