I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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