There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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