i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
