My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
