either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
