We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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