Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
