I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
