Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
