spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
