i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
