i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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