Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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