So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
