he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
