When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
