his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
