is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
