Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
