summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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