i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The air was thick with penises
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
