I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize