dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
