So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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