They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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