If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
