I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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