Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Randomize
