Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
