Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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