My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just googled if crying burns calories
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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