i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
