put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
