My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
