Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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