he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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