Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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