Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize