If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
