Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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