i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
