So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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