So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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