I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
