If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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