The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
