I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
