I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
