So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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