she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
