Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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