ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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