this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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