I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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