I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
