the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
