Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
