My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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