We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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