I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
