Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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