Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
