Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
