You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
