I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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