somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
