watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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