I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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